Thomas Fortenberry

It is never just the crime, it is the cover-up that destroys political careers. Just ask Nixon. He was an expert on the subject. As George Bush the First said many moons ago, “Nixon’s only crime was getting caught.” True words of wisdom.

Dubya seems destined to follow in those large “I am not a crook” footsteps. Bush has committed enough impeachable offenses to open a dedicated Impeachment Library, but so far the RepubliCon’s control of Congress has stopped, blocked, and stalled all major investigations into his crimes. But the one that got away is also the one they fumbled: the Valerie Plame case. The beauty of this case, of course, is that it is lying about their attack on the person who pointed out that they were lying that got them in trouble.

Instead of letting sleeping WMDs lie, they have to fuck with Wilson and his wife until Bush has finally hung himself. Well, I mean Bush didn’t do it — we all know it is Cheney & Co., who run things while Bush chokes on his Columbian coc…, er, I mean pretzels — but Bush was stupid enough to go along with the Big Lie, so now when the chickens come home to roost he is the poor sap with PRESIDENT on his desk. You know the desk, the one where the buck used to stop?

Of course the buck stops in Cheney’s pocket now, but the point I am trying to make, subtly, is that concerning the revelation of the Rove-Cheney axe attack on Plame, Bush lied about what he knew and when. He was always in the room — probably playing Playstation 2 — while the big boys talked, so you know, he overheard things. And later when the news leaked out that they were lying scumbags that would stoop to anything to punish those who dared tel lthe turth, well, Bush spinelessly looked to Cheney-Rove to handle things.

It is the handling that crucifies. Just like a plumbing job gone horribly awry, here we have the stereotypical Rove smear campaign carried out through his favorite anus, Bob Novak. Only he forgot to wipe up that gay grin and left little smears that tracked back to the pristine White House.

Oopsie-daisy-Cheney!

Dubya claims he never knew anything about it. He appeared on camera several times, wagging his finger, saying “I did not have Roving intercourse with those men.” To no avail. Everyone in the world knows he is genetically incapable of telling the truth. Dubya should have just smirked and shut the hell up. Instead, he said he never knew, they never did it, and if anyone in his administration ever did they would be fired.

Sir, surely thou doth protest too much! The problem here is that he now firmly established a lie. The problem with lies is that when truth eventually shows up, there is really nothing left for your defense. Ye olde nail in the cross.

Now the New York Daily News has broken a story that not only did Bush know when he claimed he never knew and would fire anyone who did such a heinous act, but that he supposed jumped all over Rove for messing up his Mandate From Heaven. The real problem with this story is that the blowup happened at least a year before the Plame case blew up in the press. Therefore the lie about what he knew and when becomes very relevant indeed. That’d be like obstructing justice or perjury or something.

A President could never be indicted or impeached for something like that, right? See, it is like an extramarital blowjob that leaks and stains your career. It isn’t so much that the oral discourse happened, it is that afterward you lie about the stain existing when everyone is staring right at it. Or it is like being uncovered with a false-named gay escort embedded in your antechamber, and pretending no one knows him or how he got in there with such tight, secure clearance.

There used to be an old saying in D.C.: As long as you weren’t caught in bed with the body of a dead boy — Hey, I guess that IS still relevant today.

Read about the latest Dubya debacle in this obscenely titled article “Bush Whacked Rove on CIA Leak.”